just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
