Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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