There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
