If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize