Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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