i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
