he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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