God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
