Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
