Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
