I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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