i don't like sucking hair
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have aggressive nipples.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
