I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
