If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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