His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
