but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
