i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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