I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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