"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
