i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
