here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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