Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
