Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
