no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
