: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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