when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
