OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
