well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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