There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
