i wish my penis had a tongue
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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