you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
