I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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