OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
