At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
