Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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