Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
