my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
