can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
