I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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