I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I smell like Dick and happiness
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize