too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
