So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
