So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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