Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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