Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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