How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
as a side note pls kill me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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