After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
