I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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