I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
