I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize