I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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