She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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