Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
