Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
