Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I touched a dick in church today
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
