You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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