then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
