I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
