you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
