ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
