I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
