Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
