I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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