new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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