Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
