I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
