Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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