Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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