I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
