i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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