when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
