Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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