Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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