She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Success! We fucked roommates!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
